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How Many Weeks Left Until Christmas Day?

I'm trying to tell my daughter about the true meaning of Christmas; any advice?

  • My teenage daughter is mad, frustrated, fuming at me, disappointed because she knows that this Christmas will, like many other Christmases, be pretty bare. She is sixteen and wants the latest stuff, the stuff that her better-off friends have, all of the fancy electronics that make the life of a teenager perfect, that earn them the envy of their peers. It bothers her that we live in a mobile home, that she has a father who works only as a tattoo artist, that we do not "measure up" to the ideals of an adolescent's perception of what life--her life--should be. I have tried forever to instill in her the feeling that things of the mind and heart are important, that material things do not matter, but I do not think I have had much success. She has reminded me on more than one occasion that my ideas about what is important haven't translated into material wealth. We were arguing over this the other day, as she was complaining that she was "tired of never having a real Christmas" when I reminded her that the best gifts are the ones a person carries with them through life, particularly an education....I took the opportunity to nudge her about her grades, you see, since they have been fairly bad recently. "Well, dad", she said, "you have an art degree, and despite being such a HUGE success we don't have anything, live in a dump, and I'm going to have ANOTHER crappy Christmas." I told her that there wasn't anything wrong with me being a tattoo artist, and that I didn't like her downing me, and that she didn't have any clue about what Christmas was really about. She stood up from the table where we were sitting and said, "Well, all I know is I'm embarrassed to have my friends come see my trailer trash home, my ink-slinging, trailer trash dad, and I'm sick of just another trailer trash Christmas. I may not know what Christmas *is*, but I sure as hell know what it *isn't*." She then stormed out and didn't come home that night. Her best friend's mother called me about an hour after she stormed out and said she was there, and asked if it was okay if she stayed the night...apparently she was pretty upset. I said sure, and spent the evening thinking. What can I tell her about Christmas? I am trying to recall what I remember about Christmas, what I think makes it special. I remember her first Christmas, when she was just a little baby. I held her and went out and looked up at the stars in the night sky on Christmas Eve, and I felt all was right with the world. More than anything, I wanted her to have a good life. I remember when she was three and was beginning to understand that Christmas was something special, how excited she was. She tore through her gifts, squealing with delight..and then ended up playing more with the wrapping paper. My wife and I laughed and were happy, simply because our daughter was happy. That was a very good Christmas. I remember then, just three years later, that Christmas at the hospital, the cold, bare floors, the television in the waiting room playing "A Charlie Brown Christmas". My six year-old daughter looks up at me and says, "Dad, when is mama going to come home with us?" I can't say anything, and pick her up and hold her tight to me, so she doesn't see me crying. On the television, Charlie Brown, standing on the stage of the school auditorium, lifts his hands and yells in frustration, "Can anyone tell me what Christmas is all about....?" Ah, I feel old. I am a man in his 40s who didn't have life turn out the way it should. It is a shame that my daughter had the bad luck to end up stuck with this man as the only person she was left in her life. I go out and buy the presents that I can afford...hell, I spend a lot more than I can afford, and yet I know she will be disappointed. I do not have the means to provide for her as she deserves. I suppose that she is right, that whereas she may not know what Christmas *is*, all I have been able to show her is what Christmas *isn't*. What do I really know about Christmas, or even life, anyway? All I know is that I do not know. So, this leads me to wonder what Christmas means. I have heard all of the stories connected with it, but I really want to know people's personal experiences. There may be no perfect answers, but there may be good examples. Please share, and thank you for taking the time to help a confused and weary father to grapple with the meaning of all this, what it is about this season that makes it special for people, and how I can make it special for my daughter. Thank you for your answers.

  • Answer:

    Well, my dear, I'll be spending this Christmas all by my lonesome and will be too broke to afford anything for Christmas. I've promised my family gifts of helping with things around their house, cleaning, helping them with events that they are to attend, etc. I learned at a young age that Christmas is a nice time to have gifts, but it is more so about spending time with the people that you care about. I've lost a lot of people in my lifetime, and when I very seldom let my mind wander to the thoughts of what could have been, what should have been, I find myself pondering how different my existence might be now were those important people still in my life. You can't take back what's already been taken from you, the best you can do is move forward and try to make the best of it all. This made me think, in all honesty, and I thank you for that. Ah, how I adore you.

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You're way too good of a writer to be wasting your time here. Please tell us you're working on a novel.

Off My Meds

I second Off my Meds. Please, get on with that novel. And for all those with teenagers - they're going to complain no matter what you do That's the idea. In order to individuate, they have to differentiate themselves from you. That's why being too laid back and trying to get it right for them (rather than sticking with your own ethics) is such a mistake - if there's nothing obvious to fight, they have to go further out and see if they can shock you with something that is unspeakably awful. Oh, for the character wanting to make it special for his daughter - you could try sloppy and sentimental (Dickens' "Christmas Carol", for example), practical and worthy (volunteering for a charity that does stuff for homeless people or children in hospital or something of that ilk), talk to her about life the universe and everything. Or just get drunk with her, but remember her liver is younger and less shot.

Ambi valent

How can you piss me off, and get me all choked up all in one q? Jerk. =0)

Egareitteb

I don't know whether to laugh and make a joke here or get drunk and cry over my inability to come up with something profound. I know I'm saving this one though..

The heart of Christmas, is sometimes hard to touch, my friend... wow, when we were children huh, so easy? We've heard the bells on those long past Christmas days, and loved listening to those carols play, so sweet those words which say, peace on earth and good will to men! Pondering the real heart of Christmas, is something special, and each year during Christmas, we want to celebrate special warmth with all men. When tragedies come into our lives it is hard to see angels from the realms of glory, let alone feel the Spirit of Christmas... but The Spirit of Christmas does exist... as do angels and miracles of change... and the change begins in us, as we become the change we wanna see... So in making the journey memorable why not try... to think of how you might organize the next twenty -two days... around the acronym C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S! Ponder the heart of Christ, and just believe and ask for him to help you prepare your home for Christmas... ask him to prepare your heart so that Christmas might enter, and honestly... your daughter may be discontent, with good reason, as I can't think of anything more heart-breaking than to loose a Mom ... at age six...it is not an easy thing to bear... she articulates well, her discontent, with a rebelling resonance... revealing to us all, such a passionate heart. Love her, tell her how special she is, tell her how you feel, about all you feel as you share here with hearts filled with compassion for you... Let's say, in the next three days... you focus just on the Christ of Christmas, you can then focus on the the validity of celebrating Christmas in the first place. You could look all the credibility of the biblical accounts regarding Christ and Christmas. There are many places to journey into this odyssey! I think you are wonderful and thank you for sharing...your heartfelt concerns... you will be within my heart and mind... this month... you and your precious daughter... this year .... I believe I will spend it with the homeless... for a while! And share some joy! Many Blessings and much Love Kar

Treasured Light

How about telling your daughter, that yeah, sure Christmas presents are cool, but there is so much more to Christmas than that, and you are going to show her. One of the best gifts you can give to your daughter is to share in doing something special that money just can't buy, you know that amazing feeling you get when you help someone who is so much worse off than you.... How about in the lead up to Christmas you get the whole family involved helping out at a soup kitchen, or visiting sick or eldery people, or orphanages. You know, someone who is really hard up. Not only are you bringing a small semblance of joy into these peoples lives, but it gives you a glow inside like nothing else can, to know how blessed you are, and how you have been able to make a difference to someone else. I know it may sound like hard work trying to get your daughter to agree, but try to come up with something that a) she is interested in b) will tug at the heart strings, and c) using her talents, for example, she might be a great artist, or story teller, or something else. I did this with my nephew not to long ago, we made up shoe boxes full of old toys and distributed them to children whi had literally nothing. He was sceptical and unwilling at first, but once we got going, he really got into it and ended up sending his mum home for all his best toys. Remind your daughter that Christmas is about giving, not getting, and that there is no greater gift on this earth. Best of luck x

Look. The fact is, YOU know what Christmas is all about. You just stated exactly what Christmas means in your post. But she hasn't had those experiences, and no matter how much you try and convey your feelings to her she'll still want an iPhone. Life sucks. Crappy people live in mansions and good people like you do their best to pay the bills on the house they can barely afford. She's right about one thing, though. She knows exactly what Christmas isn't. Christmas isn't about demanding more crap to impress her friends with. Christmas isn't about being disrespectful to a father who loves his daughter so much, he pours his heart out on Y!A and works every day to try and create a life for her. Christmas isn't about being so concerned with stuff that you forget about the people that you love. The reason she has never had a real Christmas is because she chooses to behave in a way that keeps her from seeing it. And there is nothing at all you can do to make her see that Christmas is all around her - she just isn't looking.

Holly

Oh honey, she wouldn't want me as her parent. I'd tell her to suck it up. I don't *do* Christmas. It's all about the materialism in a capitalist world... a "reason" to go into debt (even more). And, the temporary high one gets from getting new things is just that - temporary. On top of all that, it is NOT Christ's birthday. That seriously flawed sentiment that so-called "Christians" spew about it doesn't matter when they celebrate the birth of Jesus is a load of manure if there ever was one. He NEVER told anyone to celebrate his birth, and if he was here to see the blatant disregard for his teachings, I suspect he'd be face-palming from Black Friday until December 25th - shaking his head in shame and dismay. Well, you asked my opinion on the matter... I still love ya!

Wayf

Christmass is not about money and gifts at first Sometime is to discover the true meaning of life; familly and friends Gifts will come when everybody is happy

Joseph

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