Is this the right degree/career for me?

I wrote this essay for my English class and the topic is the right to freedom of movement...id like to know wh?

• ...id like to know what you think of it and weather or not it needs anything additional added to it. i was required to have a description, examples of infringement, and solutions....thanks for any responses........I know its a long one but i really appreciate any who take the time to read it The Right to Freedom of Movement When born, every human is guaranteed certain basic rights. One such right is the right to the freedom of movement. This right guarantees the freedom to move about, live in, and leave or return to their country and or state. While seemingly a minor and unimportant right, in fact it allows many of the other human rights to be upheld. Without the right to freedom of movement, people would be unable to leave their home and this would infringe upon their other rights such as the right to education. The right to freedom of movement especially applies to people in situations such as refugees and people seeking asylum in foreign countries. Refugees especially suffer from possible infringement as they do not necessarily owe allegiance to the state or country they moved to. This causes difficulties such as a refugees being placed under house arrest or being restricted from access to certain areas. This is in direct violation to the refugee’s right to freedom of movement. People seeking asylum face similar situations and problems that refugees face. Asylum seekers could be placed under some sort of movement restriction while their application for asylum and or immunity is processed. Also like refugees, asylum seekers do not owe particular allegiance when they first start their lives in their new home which causes governments to be cautious and place harsh restrictions on their movement. Another group that faces problems with the right to freedom of movement is students. A common occurrence in areas with lower education standard is human capital flight. This occurs when people with technical skills or knowledge leave a specific area. In order to prevent this from occurring, countries with lower education standards tend to lock down or prevent the emigration of students. This directly violates these students right to freedom of movement. Another difficulty faced by students is obtaining visas to travel abroad. On occasions when students are denied visas, their right to freedom of movement is once again violated. Wartime is yet another circumstance where many are denied the right to freedom of movement. Since wars are so devastating to an area, people can be denied access to certain districts or they can be confined to their homes. Wartime journalists are also denied this right on occasions where they are denied access to certain areas or they are held by armed forces. While seemingly unimportant, the right to freedom of movement is a vital human right being denied to many. While there is little that can be done to help those being denied, there are some options that can be denied, there are some options that could affect them. One such option is to write a letter or email to a local organization asking about cases and such as these and checking to see what can be done to help. Another thing that could be done is to contact the ACLU or American Civil Liberties Union and discuss what could be done to help in an area. Since many cases tend to take place outside of the United States, then it is hard to have a specific plan that would help every case. Instead, if the common fears that cause these cases can be alleviated, then the number of cases would definitely drop. Some key steps that need to take place to ensure that everyone is granted the right to freedom of movement are to contact the ACLU, take an active role in the community regarding the denial of this right, and working to alleviate the fears and divisions in the societies that cause violations to occur. While sounding complicate many of these steps are very simple to accomplish. The ACLU is a foundation dedicated to assisting those who have faced difficulties with ethical treatment and the denial of rights. Writing a letter and possible joining this group would lend a great deal to making sure everyone obtains the basic right to freedom of movement. Some cases of infringement occur in local communities as well so joining a community organization such as the home owners association or a similar association would lend to ensuring this right in a local community. Most importantly is the alleviation of fears and divisions that cause infringement can be easily accomplished. Just by raising awareness and public tolerance of differences can help guarantee that no one is denied the right to freedom of movement. Alone, these steps wouldn’t seem to have a large impact, but when done all together, the impact can be astronomical.

• Answer:

  "When born, every human is guaranteed certain basic rights. One such right is the right to the freedom of movement. This right guarantees the freedom to move about....." Your opening statement is patently not true. When born, every human SHOULD be guaranteed certain basic rights... but you have listed many of the reasons that demonstrate the untruth of your first statement. Not unlike saying all babies are born perfect and then listing all the birth defects that you can think of. When you suggest that I can help alleviate the problem by joining my home owners association, I can't put that in context. If there is a garage with tools, paints and ladders used by maintenance workers, and it says Employees Only on the door, I don't have a "birth right" to go in there just because I belong to the association. I think you gave some great examples in the body of your essay of what we would consider "Human Rights Violations". But as I said earlier, what we consider human rights are not so viewed by all governments and therefore not a "guaranteed" basic right. So find a way to define Human Rights early in your essay that does not say they are guaranteed. "Another thing that could be done is to contact the ACLU or American Civil Liberties Union and..." You make it sound as though you are referring to 2 different entities. ".....contact the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union.) " would sound better than using the word OR. You might also tell them HOW to contact that organization by supplying an email address. So, I would work on your description and solutions. You have done well with examples of infringement. See if you can find another organization that deals with human rights, there is another rather famous one you can find by googling. There are also celebrities that have adopted that as their issue and have made statements about what the average John Doe can do to help. Much more interesting and applicable than your home owners association reference. "While there is little that can be done to help those being denied, there are some options that can be denied, there are some options that could affect them." This reads as unclear. Not sure what it means. Reread your entire essay for clarity.