How do I talk to my parents about being an exchange student?

How do I persuade my parents to let me go to Japan for a year as a foreign exchange student?

• They are reluctant to let me go for a year. I want to go when I am 15, and I'm 13 now. I'm in all advanced classes and am taking all honors classes next year, my freshmen year (I want to go my sophomore year). I feel that I am mature and responsible enough to handle this, but they aren't sure. They are mostly worried about the host family and them not treating me right, I guess. However, I know that (at least with the program we want to use) there is an area representative that I can reach if there are any issues, and I know that my parents and I would keep in touch, probably via skype, and maybe it sounds a little naive, but I don't think the host family would provide any problems. I'm sure that there are other reasons and I just can't think of them now, but please give me your viewpoint as a parent/ exchange student/ or a host family member?? Also, I am going with my best friend so there is someone else I could talk to with any problems. Thanks so much!!!!

• Answer:

  Sending your child away (and you are still just a child to them and always will be no matter if you're 13 or 15 or 62) is a very big thing for parents to do. It's hard for parents when their kids leave the "nest" and that you want to do it at even an earlier age than normal isn't easy for them to handle. There are also many other things that they're considering. For just a host family alone problems that can exist include: Language barriers. It's hard to tell someone you feel sick and your head hurts and you can't see straight when you can't speak their native language and they can't speak yours (well or even at all). Treatment. Not *all* host families get along with their host kids and just because there is someone in the area you can go to for help doesn't mean they can solve all your problems. Usually these people don't intervene unless you're actually being mistreated. Being stuck with a host family who talk very little to you because either they don't have the time or they can't understand you or one who never does anything fun for you often is not a reason for someone to intervene and move you to a new home. Distance. I'm not talking about your parents being far from you, although that can be a problem. I mean how far the family lives from the school you'll attend. In the USA schools are set up by districts and you simply go to the one closest to you within a few miles. If you want to go to a school out of district you can, but you'll have to have your parents (or yourself) drive you. But in Japan that's often not how things go and many students will take a train ride or even two train rides or even two train rides AND a bus ride to get to a school. Even if the program says that you will live close to the school, "close" in Japanese terms is not "close" in English terms. You're typically "close" if it takes you an hour or less by public transportation to get there. As for things unrelated to host families: Expense. Japan is a very expensive country. Getting there alone can cost $1200 for a cheap round-trip ticket. I've seen tickets go for over $3000. And if you're living in a big city like Kyoto, Tokyo, Osaka, Sapporo, et cetera then it's going to be costly. Even if the program says the cost is only X, you're probably going to need pocket money outside of those costs for the year to get snacks and souvenirs and clothes and that stuff really doesn't come cheap. Time difference. Japan is over a day ahead of the US and even though you say you might talk to your friends and family on Skype, trying to find a time to do that is not difficult. In Japan you'll probably be at school from 8:00AM-5:00PM (unless you don't join a club, which is an important part of Japanese school culture, then you're out at about 3:30PM). So when you get home you'll have to eat dinner and do homework. So if you're ready at about 7PM to talk to your friends guess what time it is in the US? About 6AM (Eastern time), when people are just waking up or are still fast asleep. Education. In the US then know what you're studying, how you're doing, and that what you study is not going to cause any problems. With Japan, it's not a definite thing and they have no power over any problems you might face in the school. Holidays. Your family are going to miss Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and probably even the Fourth of July with you. These are special times for parents. -- If you want to persuade your parents you need to show them you know everything there is to know about what you plan on doing. You need to show them you've done your research on not just the country Japan but the city and even high school you would attend. You need to show them all the things that are available to help you if you run into any problems while there. Show them reviews of the program from places *other than* the program's website and explain to them the cons that others have mentioned and how you plan on not letting that get in your way. You need to sit down and talk to your parents calmly but don't seek a definite answer right this moment. This is over a year away and you never know what might happen to you or your family between now and then. Right now you just need to plant the seed and show them how much you know and then keep quiet about it. Annoying your parents will not win them over. Stamping your feet will not win them over. Yelling will not win them over. You need to be calm, cool, collect, and prepared with all the answers. AND you need to be willing to accept a temporary no.