I think I might be a lesbian and it makes me depressed?

• Ever since I was little i was never sexually attracted to guys. Growing up I would fantasize about girls and I just never dated anyone because I could never get along with the guys . I was tomboyish kind of. I was into sports, hated to play with dolls. I would play with them( and it's gonna sound embarrassing) only because I enjoyed looking at them and I would always pretend that 2 barbie dolls were making out with each other and I was still pretty young when I did that. I never dated guys in high school and I had a couple of crushes but they weren;t in a sexual way. I admire some of the guy;s qualities and I think I'm somewhat emotionally attracted to them .I like to get attention from the guys , I'm in university now and I've made out with a couple of guys at the parties and surprisingly I didn't feel anything. One of the guys kept french kissing me and I was just thinking about when is this gonna end. My problem is that when I start to think about my sexual orientation I get so depressed because I start to hate myself for being this way. Even at the parties if I think the girl is cute i start to flirt and I think it grosses some of the girls out. i did have an unpleasant experience with one of the girls before when i was younger. She was so attractive and i couldn't keep my hands off of her and I kinda started grabbing her in a playful way (keep in mind i was like 12).I think I scarred her for life. I don't know I'm just really confused. Maybe I should try to have a relationship with the guy just to feel normal because that;s what my mom wants.She keeps asking me why I don;t have a bf yet and I just don;t know what to tell her because I have no idea how she;d react if I'd told her that I'm not sexually attracted to guys. I'm still a virgin though. Do you think once I'll have sex with the guy I would change my sexual preferences? I just feel so bad for the straight girls that i freak out(

• Answer:

  It sounds as though you are lesbian. But that's okay! There really is nothing wrong with being lesbian. Having sex with a guy won't change your orientation. Don't listen to some of the other posters; considering you've made out with males before and felt nothing, there won't be some "magic" guy out there who will make you change your orientation. You are not bisexual if you felt nothing while kissing the guy. You are lesbian. And, again, there's nothing wrong with it. Many universities have LGBT programs. See if yours does as well. This will allow you to openly explore your attraction to other women in a safe environment, without the fear of flirting with someone who's straight. This will also give you access to other people like yourself, which will help you feel less alone. Talking to them will help you sort out your feelings, and may be able to provide the support you need to be confident in yourself and your sexuality. You should also eventually come out to your mother. Don't live your life for her-- you will only be miserable if you try. Accept yourself and accept that, while your mother may initially be shocked, she loves you no matter what. Just remember that what you are feeling is normal, and that there are others like you out there. Don't attempt to change your orientation, because you can't, and trying to will only make you more depressed. Accept who you are, seek out support, and be confident! Good luck!