What are some funny text messages to forward?

there is this one that i cant seem to find but its something like : hi, im an alien from another planet, and right now i am having sex with your eyeballs. i know you like it and think it feels good because you are smiling. ohh ahh... blah blah and goes on for a while. i wish i could find it, maybe you can, but that really made me laugh

I pee out of my belly button?

-Youv'e been a bad girl, go straight to my room! -A nymphomaniac is a women as obsessed with sex as the average man. -Women should be obscene and not heard. -I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic! -A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's - That's because she changes it more often. -Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, 'Government Health Warning: Women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, bank account, confidence, and good standing among your friends. -The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.