The simple answer is “Sure, if that’s what you want to do.”

A more complicated answer would want more information.

Why are you hanging out with this friend who you love? Is it with hopes of your love being returned? Is this friend free and available, or in a relationship of their own? Is the intimate relationship one that is supposed to be a committed relationship? What kind of intimate relationship is it?

I was best friends with Hubby while I was married to another man. The other guy, he and I were certainly in a physically intimate relationship, but not an emotionally intimate one. All of my emotional intimacy was with hubby, who was “friend” at the time. At one point, when I came home from work and my heart leaped to see Hubby’s car in my driveway, I realized that it was him I loved, not my (at the time) husband. Eventually, I learned that Hubby loved me back, and that was when my life changed, by far for the better.

But not all friendships like mine and Hubby’s work out. And we lost a lot of friends in the fallout of my divorce/breakup with my husband (at the time).

Just be sure that everyone you are involved with, the friend, the one you are intimate with, and you; all understand what the relationships between you are. Be honest about what you want, and what you expect, and what you are doing. Hiding things rarely leads to a good outcome.

Of course. There is no harm in being friends.

However, the pain from the feelings. Or the excruciating, gut wrenching, grotesque emotions that you will feel whenever he talks about his relationship, that depends on how you manage it.

I've been on both sides of the equation, many times. Luckily, it turned out to be just crush or infatuation for most of the cases. When I met my current girlfriend, I was told that she's dating someone else. I chose to be a platonic friend, that's it. Later on, when it all turned out a farce to keep roadside romeos at bay, I pitched in.

For the other side of the equation, there was this very old school friend, and even she was in a relationship. Later on, things got rocky for her and they broke off. As I had reconciled with her (via Orkut, yeah, those were the days) after a long time, I gave her a shoulder to cry on and listened to her. Few months later, she says that she has developed feelings for me. By that time, I was already deep into my first relationship, so I made it pretty clear for her. We even joked about me, where I was complaining about there not being enough girls in my college to interact and develop the personality for them, and here, after half an year, I've got girls falling for me.

It all depends on how maturely you handle it. There is a nice thumb rule to test it. Can you two joke about the relationship, without anyone feeling a spine-chill? Then probably you two have the stomach for friendship over love. Else, I'd suggest to distance yourself. Some pains make you stronger. Others, just pain.

I’m actually in/was in a similar situation. I’ve been in love with my best friend when he had a girlfriend.

My best friend knows how I feel about him but he’s never made me feel ashamed about it and he never, not even for a second, thought about ending our friendship or stop keeping in touch with me. His previous girlfriend didn’t know how I felt but if she had asked, I would have admitted the truth and backed off (spent less time with my best friend, less texting between, etc.) out of respect.

While they were dating, I was in pain but I pulled through and made sure I didn’t let my feelings interfere at all. I refused to be the person who messed up someone else’s relationship because of their own feelings.

I’d say it’s perfectly fine to keep in touch with your best friend if they: respect your relationship with your boyfriend, and don’t let their feelings for you get in the way of your relationships (both with your best friend and your boyfriend).

The fact that your asking this question should be a red flag for you, and it’s not going to end well. In the end, someone is going to get hurt, and my guess is, it will be the male friend that gets it in the end.

First of all, that guy you hang out with all the time, he is most likely in love with you. Go watch the movie “When Harry Met Sally” and listen to them talking about the whole “men can’t be friends with women.”

The friend probably hasn’t made any moves on you because you are in a relationship. Hypothetically speaking, suppose you broke up with your boyfriend, would you date this friend?

This isn’t to say that the male friend isn’t getting something out of this. He might be a guy who is shy, who might not even want the responsibility of a relationship, heck he might not even know how to breach the subject. But if he has done anything nice and sweet for you, that is his way of telling you he is in love with you, without saying it.

In fact, you might be with him because you are feeling a lack of something in your own relationship with the boyfriend. Chances are this male friend of yours is giving you the emotional intimacy you crave, while at the same time your boyfriend is giving you that physical validation you also want in a relationship.

What does your boyfriend think of all this time you are spending with your male friend?

The only way I see this working is if the male friend is not into women.

Am I reading this right? You want to keep in touch with my best friend (presumably male.) He is in love with you, and you also have another boyfriend?

Like me, my best friend is polyamorous. He will have no issues with this situation. If you have issues with this situation, then you have your answer. If you don’t, then again you have your answer.

He will insist on meeting and/or talking to you and your existing boyfriend. He will want to make sure that both he and your boyfriend know your feelings for both of them. Do you know your feelings for both of them? Are you prepared to tell them both? He will want to find out your boyfriend’s feelings toward you, and possibly toward him. Does he know his feelings?

Come to think of it, these are good things for you to figure out anyway. I personally hope that this is why you’re dating and not merely for appearances, sex, security, laughs, or because he buys you stuff. Love can mean breaking all the rules—but make sure it’s love.

It depends. Here are a few questions to consider:

1. Is the romantic interest mutual? If so, it would be respectful to resolve the interest outside of your current relationship. If not, you may want to consider that the interested friend may interpret your desire for the friendship as mutual interest. It could be a difficult boundary to maintain, and create discomfort for your current partner.
2. Is the interested friend aware that you are in a relationship? A good friend would have an interest in your happiness and respect your relationship. That friend would also understand that making their romantic interest known is forward, but also makes for a messy situation for your current relationship.
3. What does your gut say? The fact that you have a question about it may be an indicator that it has the potential to create discord.

Best of luck!

Question answered: Is it possible to be friends with someone who is romantically interested in you when you are in a relationship with someone else?

In my experience, the answer is a big NO.

This would quickly turn into a love triangle if it hasn’t turned into one already.

The jealousy would be unbearable for this so-called “friend” and in spite of today’s more open-minded attitudes about open relationships, what you’re describing sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

I myself would never want to be involved in this type of three-way relationship. Just the thought of it makes me want to cringe.

My vote is to either wait until you’re single again and in the meanwhile to politely decline the friendship offer. I don’t see how this could possibly end well for any one of you.

Sorry, but no.

Wow! “OK” is a relative term. From you question I’d say, “No, it is not OK.” I’m not commenting on morals, values, etc. I’m thinking personally about you (and the others). Very few people can emotionally handle being in an “intimate” relationship with one person and have a “friend” “whom I love” at the same time. Somewhere along the line one (or more) person(s) is going to get hurt.

To me, the key words in your question are: “whom I love.” If you had a male friend and it was pure friendship and both of you know you have someone else and you two are friends and just true friends with no romantic interest, it might work and my answer would likely be “OK.”

Let me put it this way. Say you leave this guy that you're using to not be alone. You meet a great guy and everything is perfect. You're thinking this is it. Then, two years in, suddenly you find out that he's on dating apps. You ask him about it. He tells you that he's been unhappy for almost a year, but he's been looking for someone else to replace you first. Because he doesn't want to be alone. You mean that while you've been loving him and planning a future, while you've been turning down guys who were interested in you, he's been running sound trying to meet women so he can leave you?? How is it OK for him to lead you on like that? How sneaky and disgusting and underhanded does he look right now?

Look, what you plan to do is cheat. You might not want to admit it, but you admit you're looking for a new boyfriend. Which means you have to get to know him and go out on dates, and see if you're compatible first. Maybe you want to pretend that that's friendship. But it's not. Intent to spend time with a guy you're interested in to get to know him so you can date him is cheating.

You are wasting your boyfriend's time. Time he could be with someone who wants to be with him. If roles were reversed, you'd be upset and rightfully so

Yes as long as you both know the difference and respect it. There is love and then there is being in love with someone because you find that you are attracted to their mind, body and soul. This should be your boyfriend. Then there are your male friends who you may find attractive in some way because you have things in common and enough differences but not completely because they have some kind of quirk that you just couldn’t live with day in and day out or long term. I have male friends like this. Your long term partner is the one that you like, love and authentically trust with your life. And they return the same feelings toward you. They make you feel like a better version of yourself. Both your friends and long term partner should lift you up instead of bringing you down.

I'd end the friendship. You're asking for trouble. This isn't a close friendship you already had. This is a mutual attraction where the two of you decided to try to be friends.. And its brand new. You hardly know each other and there is no bond or lotaly yet. You are more aqauintances at this point. You mention you are both in LDR which is an odd coincidence that makes it alnost worse. You say you're both lonely. Even with the best intentions, you already know you have feelings for each other, and things could escalate easily if either of you is going through a tough time or you go out for drinks or even if you two get closer and realize you're completely compatible and the attraction grows until you can't ignore it. But it's your choice. You can give it a try, but if you start to fall for him, it won't be easy to walk away. I don't get close with people I find attractive when I am in a relationship. Not worth the risk to me. People can fight attraction and be loyal and faithful, but in an LDR, and already lonely, neither of you have someone around to fill your voids. If you can't handle it and pushed for more, or if he decides to convince you that your boyfriend isn't good enough or doesn't treat you right to get your for himself… it happens.

I've been on both ends of this situation and it seems to me, that despite any efforts and precautions that the less emotionally invested party tries to take to preserve the friendship, once the information is out in open, about who-feels-what-for-whom, the more emotionally invested party is transformed into a ticking time bomb, even against their will.
Friendship often involves showing people that you care about them and sharing good times with them, but also being there for them during bad times. All of these things begin to have a heavier significance to the more invested party as time goes on, after all, they reason to themselves- "How can it not? S/He knows how I feel about them. They KNOW, and they're still around, they must think that there's a chance here, something they don't want to give up, maybe they don't feel exactly like I do, but they must feel SOMETHING more than just friendship."
After that thought takes root, then the more invested party will be hurt whenever they see the less invested party showing romantic interest in anyone else. This will occur even if the more invested party is rational and understands that there is no logical reason to be jealous, because emotion doesn't play by logic's rules. Even if logic wins out, the pain will still grow - "They KNOW how I feel, but they don't feel the same... they never will... I'll NEVER have what I desire most... every day we're together as friends only underscores what we'll never be..." The more invested party then reaches a "critical mass" of hurt feelings, and will resolve to change the status quo, as it is now too painful to bear any longer.
From this point, there are only 4 outcomes -
1. The more invested party chooses to re-profess their affection. This causes the less-invested party to re-assess the value of the first party. The less invested party has now changed their mind and is approaching a similar level of emotional investment - romantic attraction is now reciprocal, and a relationship begins. (This one might as well be a fairy tale - I've NEVER seen this happen, but probability says it should at least be possible.)
2. The more invested party chooses to either profess their affection again, or ask for a re-definition of the relationship from the less invested party. The less invested party has not changed their mind or outlook. This puts them in the ugly position of having to hurt someone they care about and would rather not hurt (their friend.) The more invested party will now have to deal with the added pain of rejection for a second time. Since this course causes pain to both parties, it has the potential to create anger towards the other party for both individuals.
If the emotional fallout is great enough, the friendship will be dissolved by one or both parties. If the fallout is small, then the relationship is reset to the point after the initial confession, and the cycle builds towards critical mass again, and this becomes a repeating loop.
3. If the less-invested party does not want to let go of the friendship, and does not allow the more invested party sufficient time for their feelings to change, then the relationship is reset to the point after the initial confession, and the cycle builds towards critical mass again, but this time the less-invested party has taken steps to preserve the more-invested party's investment in the relationship, actions that can and likely will be misinterpreted the more-invested party as reciprocal romantic affection, causing the pain of rejection which will occur again once critical mass is reached again to multiply exponentially. This becomes a feedback loop.
4. The more-invested party chooses to disengage from the situation, possibly but not necessarily, permanently. If the less-invested party allows them freedom to disengage, then there is hope that this friendship can be saved, but only if the more-invested party changes their outlook - "falls out of love." (This is the only outcome where the friendship can be preserved.)

It depends. If that someone is already a friend, a bestfriend at most. It’s very hard to throw away a good friendship just because he had told you he is in love with you.

I have a bestfriend since highschool who told me he is in love with me. But i dont feel the same way. I told him honestly how i feel about him and that nothing can change my feelings for him, its just pure friendship and brotherly love.. Then the awkwardness started. I distance myself as i dont want to hurt him further. But i misses his company. We parted ways for months and thats one of the worst part of my life as i feel guilty even though i shouldnt be. And when we meet again, he looked at me with the saddest face i had seen him and told me he has no control over his feelings over me but it will slowly kill him if i just throw away our friendship. So we stayed friends and eventually he got over me and now i am the Godmother of his daughter. His wife knew his old feelings for me, she never got jealous and if they fight she goes to me and asked me to talk to his husband for some clarity.

Maybe its a 1 out of 10 chance my experience will be the same as others. But i think you can still be friends as long as the person inlove with you knows his boundaries and situation.

=^-^=

Photo ctto

What’s the purpose? Obviously if you’re attracted to her you don’t want to be her genuine platonic friend. Therefore acting like you are would be disingenuous. Secondly if she’s already in a relationship not only would your friendship be disingenuous but I’m assuming you would try and initiate some type of breakup procedure. That’s definitely not friendly or something a loved one would do.

Best bet is to just move on as if she’s unavailable and if she becomes available in the future try and actually date her. That way you won’t lose any sleep over her and if you are able to date her you can say it came from an honest and genuine standpoint you wouldn’t have to lie about in the future.

Consider the situation was reversed. You ended the relationship. The guy still has feelings for you, but there’s no romantic interest on your part.

Then you tell him you want to stay as friends.

What would be your intention behind that statement?

1. You don’t want to be harsh so you offer friendship as a consolation prize.
2. You want to keep him around for the attention.
3. You hope to manipulate his one-sided affection in some other ways, e.g. financially, sexually, etc.

Whatever the reason might be, it’s the wrong reason for a meaningful and worthy friendship.

Do not stay friends with him for the wrong reasons. It will not be good for your mental well-being. Keep your distance and give yourself time to heal. When you are truly over him, you may try to reconnect. Until then, be your own best friend and practice self-love and self-care.

Leave.

You need to keep your self respect and dignity. You should be happy to be by yourself rather than be with someone who doesn't even want to be in a relationship.

You are the most important person in any romantic relationship. Sure, there is give and take from both sides but there should never be self sacrifice.

They probably don't want to lose you because they're short of other options and don't want to be alone. This will never be the right person for you.

What is it you are looking for from a relationship partner?

Write a list of all the qualities you are looking for.

Can they offer you the majority of what is on your list? Do you have all those same qualities because like attracts like.

There are way too many people in this world who would do anything to be with anyone rather than wait to find someone who is at least a good match.

Is it okay? Of course. Love is complex and sometimes we end up loving more than one person, because that is just how life is.

I know a lot of people will roll their eyes at this, because society has painted this picture of what love should be and look like. But the brutal and often times ugly truth, is that love changes.

It fades and comes back again, but sometimes it just fades. And that’s okay too. I know it sucks, trust me. I loved a man for 10 years and that’s what happened to me. He just stopped loving me. And as painful and difficult as it has been to cope with that this year, I know one thing is certain now.

Love changes. People change. Life changes. What and who we loved years ago, may not be what we want anymore. It is only up to the person who has fallen in love with someone else, to ask, “Is this really love because I am happy, and it is positive, and because this is what I truly, completely want?” Or, “Does this feel like love because I am unhappy or because I haven’t been able to talk to my partner about how I feel?”

Regardless, the person in question has to ask themselves whether or not this means more than what it “might” be perceived as.

At the end of the day, I’m just about people being 100%, authentically, genuinely, truly happy. Whether that is being with someone new and leaving a relationship that used to bring them joy, or working on a relationship they don’t want to lose.

People deserve to be happy, even if that will bring pain. And sometimes, relationships just don’t work out. There is no more trying, because trying has exhausted itself.

Sometimes, it’s better to just let each other go, so true, out-of-this-world happiness and love, can find us.

For you to have a successful friendship you need time to move past your feelings. Otherwise it will be very difficult.

Do you want to be friends with him? Or are your feelings primarily lust? There's no right or wrong answer here. Your feelings are your feelings and there's nothing wrong with lust. We share this planet with some very beautiful people!

If you are interested in being friends with him, tell him that, but also that you need a little bit of time to change gears from romantic relationship to friends.

I did this once, possibly twice. I went on a blind date once with a lovely guy, but had no chemistry. I said this to him. I said I really enjoy your company, but I don't think we have any sparks. I'd love to be friends with you if you're interested. He agreed and we are still friends 18 years later. He's the most gorgeous human being, and I'm so lucky to count him as one of my friends.

Another time after leaving a fairly horrid relationship, I dated another lovely guy but found myself needing time to get over the aftermath of the former relationship, so I could start fresh and give my best to a new relationship. I said this to my new boyfriend after we'd been dating about 6 months. He asked me how much time. I said I didn't know. How could I? He took it badly and didn't speak to me for a year or more. I think he still had feelings and couldn't cope with the ambiguity. Fair enough. I still had feelings too. It would have been nice if he'd used his words to let me know, but oh well.

So, no speaks for a year, I wound up dating someone else eventually after my period of me time, which was also a disaster.

Once he was speaking to me again, we eventually wound up being friends for about 4 years, then later started dating again and we are now married with 3 small children.

So … it can be done. The key is to communicate and treat everyone with respect, especially the person who still has feelings that may go unrequited.

In my experience, this means that they “want their cake, and eat it, too”, as the saying goes. They simply don’t want to be in a relationship, and as hard as it is to hear, *with you*. More often than not, and not just for myself, when someone says this, they will readily be in a relationship as soon as their “ideal” partner comes along and keeps you on the back burner to run to if it doesn’t pan out.

Do yourself a favor and move on with your life. It will hurt, but hopefully, you will find someone who wants you, as much as you want them.

There’s a saying that holds true that has gotten twisted in this weird day and age, but it goes like this:

“If they wanted to, they would”

Some sites and social media are trying to make it a toxic female thing about material objects… but what the phrase really means- is exactly that. It can apply to anything, but in this case, if they wanted to be with you, they would.

I hope you find love and happiness and don’t continue entertaining this person unless you’re completely ready and okay for them to suddenly be in a relationship or fall in love with someone while still having you hang around waiting for breadcrumbs.

Much love!

First of all, if you do not want to be with this guy, break up with him immediately. Don’t string him along just because you don’t like being alone. You are using him.

Secondly, if you have issues with being alone, life is going to be long and tough for you. The single only person whose company you will always have, every second, is your own.

I went to school with a girl whose mother told her “You’re nothing if you don’t have a man.” Even at twelve, I winced to hear that and knew it was not true. This girl took her mother’s words to heart. She had a steady boyfriend constantly. There was not more than a break of a week between her boyfriends. And some of those guys were boys no one else would date, usually for good reason: they were mean, smelly, abusive, stupid, and so forth. But she felt inadequate without a boyfriend.

It’s not bad to be single. If you desire temporary physical intimacy, there’s no shame in seeking it out (be safe and careful, of course); it’s easy to find almost anytime. Emotional intimacy and true love is harder to find, but it’s worth the wait and trouble to meet someone special to you. Why have a man just to have a man when you could have a wonderful, special man by giving yourself time to find one?

Further, consider what you will have to offer this special man when you meet him. Will you have only experiences that were shared with other boyfriends? Or will you be able to offer him a you that is rich in the independence, experience, humor, and wisdom that comes from developing your character as a human, not just as half of a couple?

People get crushes all the time, some do even when they’re in relationships, they don’t have to be LDR.

If you love your partner and won’t cheat on him then there’s no reason why you should break your friendship. In fact, quite the opposite. Having someone who’s going through the same thing as yours will help you to feel better overall.

Most crushes do end eventually. Some take time while others don’t, some end just as you get to know the person more and realize that you can’t see him/her as anything other than a friend, others might grow and become real, I won’t say it won’t happen.

Being in LDR does get lonely quite alot, and you’ll miss him alot and it’s understandable to have confusion in your emotions, I mean, your new friend is here, your boyfriend’s there. It’s worse when your friend and boyfriend have the same characteristics, in this case, you’re crushing on a small part of him that resembles your boyfriend, again quite understandable.

Basically, having crushes is normal, it won’t ruin your relationship unless you let it happen, but if you love your boyfriend then it won’t. You don’t need to break the friendship since having this thing in common will help both of you to cope better

Good luck

Oddly enough, this is the reverse of how things are supposed to work my friend.

In short, yes, it’s 100% possible to convert a romantic relationship to friends only. My 2nd wife and I managed to do that, although it’s not a perfect arrangement and can be a little weird now and again, ha ha.

The “but” you hear coming is this: true love only forms out of real, deep friendship. If people would just stop diving into “relationship” without having a good, solid friendship in place, this scenario of feeling the need to dial a relationship “back” to friendship would never happen. Why? Because the things that would cause the need to arise for a romantic relationship to be “dialed back” would be identified long before “romance” sprang up in the first place.

The logic is simple: we can’t love someone we don’t know. That’s the easy part, and few reasonable people would argue this. However, we can’t know someone without being their friend. This is where the real dispute arises, as people claim they can build friendship “as they go” in a relationship - which to me is like trying to build a suspension bridge over a deep canyon while trying to drive across it at the same time.

Truthfully, most people start their relationships out with the barest of bare “friendship” in place - I don’t know what to call it, but friendship is stretching it too far. Thus, most people lurch into relationship based on a variation of lust or infatuation, which is a “building a house on sand” scenario - as is evidenced by the incredibly high failure rate, right across the globe, of relationships extending from BF/GF through to marriage.

Getting back to your question then my friend, of course, yes, a mature couple can easily dial a romantic relationship back to friendship only. My observation is this only works a relatively small percentage of the time, for a variety of reasons, one of which is, as I’ve alluded to above - had they been good friends at the start, they’d never have gone thru to “relationship”. Their lack of ability to make a good friendship BEFORE romance would indicate making one AFTER romance is likely to be tricky, at best.

My recent ex fiancee said she and I should be able to stay friends as we are “both adults”. That’s a true statement, but because she and I put insufficient time into our friendship before going into romance 3 years ago, and despite the efforts (mostly by me as time progressed) made to deepen the relationship with more understanding and knowledge of each other, now that things are officially ended - a unilateral decision by her - no effort is being made by her to maintain even the vaguest semblance of friendship. It’s all “up to me”. The reality is that many people who want to end a relationship will “dangle the carrot” of “friends only” to the other person to soften the blow of a relationship ending. I didn’t need that, but my ex did it anyway. An insincere offer of friendship is gross, and is much better not offered if there’s no intention of honoring that offer.

If you are in a place of considering cycling a romantic relationship down to “friends only”, my friend, please take a long, hard look at yourself, how the relationship started, and whether you are really prepared to put the work into being “only friends” with someone you know “intimately”, yet who you may not really “know” that well. If this is being offered TO you by your SO, don’t be surprised if they are just using it as a way to “soften the blow”. They may genuinely be your friend afterwards, but just as likely not. And yes, it could be very awkward to maintain a friendship with someone you have “intimate” knowledge of…

This won’t necessarily, be an answer, but I felt like I needed to respond in someway knowing I’m not the only one going through or has been through relationships like these. He says he wished that he would’ve said yes to me, and says he loves me, but it’s complicated between him and his girlfriend and he can’t just break up with her as he still cares about her and it would ruin her. I understand that. And when I panic about something he’s always there to help. So, in my opinion….contrary to any other answer any sane person would give. I’m waiting for him. Waiting for someone isn’t always a bad thing.