Baby's sleep patterns veering badly off course; how can we correct them?
June 1, 2013 5:09 AM Subscribe
Our 5½-month-old baby, once a great sleeper, has now become a fussy, nervous child who can only fall asleep while breastfeeding. What are we doing wrong and how can we get his sleeping back into shape?
Since birth, our baby has had solid, consistent sleeping patterns. We followed all the advice to make him an independent sleeper, but he also helped a lot himself. The routine was: sleep early (around 7.30pm), breastfeed him, and put him to bed where he would fall asleep on his own after ~15 minutes.
Gradually, with this routine he managed to sleep up to 10 hours per night. He would wake sometimes and put himself to sleep back again with a little help, and would never cry.
He was also a great napper. When he'd yawn, his favourite music and a blanket would be enough to allow him to settle himself within 5 minutes. These patterns shifted around a little during growth spurts, and occasionally he needed breastfeeding to drift off, but in general he was consistent, and all was well.
Then, around a month ago, he suddenly started fussing a lot at night, crying and waking every three hours. This was around the time we tried starting him on solid foods (he's a big guy and was really keen on eating whatever we ate, so we gave it a shot even though it was early!). On reflection this was probably a bad idea as he became constipated for four days.
During these four days, he woke every three hours at night crying intensely, so we breastfed him back to sleep. After about a week of this he also started refusing naps in the day, and became very agitated. Our paediatrician suggested that this fussiness was due to his teething, so again we tried to comfort him as much as possible.
Now we're a month in, and he will still only fall asleep while breastfeeding! He even fusses when he's in his stroller or car seat when nap time arrives. Every night, he wakes every three hours crying, and will only fall asleep at the breast. (His cot is in our room.)
Despite this, he is perfectly happy during non-sleep times, and doesn't seem to be in pain with teething or his stomach.
He also just started rolling over (from back to front), so he often wakes up because he's stuck in a corner of his cot. It seems to us he wants to fall back to sleep but can't do it on his own... and he got accustomed to being at the breast to do that for him.
Do you guys have any idea why this might be happening, and how we can avoid getting him started with bad habits when he's been so independent in the past?
Thanks!
Since birth, our baby has had solid, consistent sleeping patterns. We followed all the advice to make him an independent sleeper, but he also helped a lot himself. The routine was: sleep early (around 7.30pm), breastfeed him, and put him to bed where he would fall asleep on his own after ~15 minutes.
Gradually, with this routine he managed to sleep up to 10 hours per night. He would wake sometimes and put himself to sleep back again with a little help, and would never cry.
He was also a great napper. When he'd yawn, his favourite music and a blanket would be enough to allow him to settle himself within 5 minutes. These patterns shifted around a little during growth spurts, and occasionally he needed breastfeeding to drift off, but in general he was consistent, and all was well.
Then, around a month ago, he suddenly started fussing a lot at night, crying and waking every three hours. This was around the time we tried starting him on solid foods (he's a big guy and was really keen on eating whatever we ate, so we gave it a shot even though it was early!). On reflection this was probably a bad idea as he became constipated for four days.
During these four days, he woke every three hours at night crying intensely, so we breastfed him back to sleep. After about a week of this he also started refusing naps in the day, and became very agitated. Our paediatrician suggested that this fussiness was due to his teething, so again we tried to comfort him as much as possible.
Now we're a month in, and he will still only fall asleep while breastfeeding! He even fusses when he's in his stroller or car seat when nap time arrives. Every night, he wakes every three hours crying, and will only fall asleep at the breast. (His cot is in our room.)
Despite this, he is perfectly happy during non-sleep times, and doesn't seem to be in pain with teething or his stomach.
He also just started rolling over (from back to front), so he often wakes up because he's stuck in a corner of his cot. It seems to us he wants to fall back to sleep but can't do it on his own... and he got accustomed to being at the breast to do that for him.
Do you guys have any idea why this might be happening, and how we can avoid getting him started with bad habits when he's been so independent in the past?
Thanks!
That was around the age our kid became harder to soothe, too, so we took the opportunity to work on self-soothing. I would suggest reading Ferber's "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" (specifically the chapter on sleep assocations) and see if it makes sense to you; it made a lot of sense to us. I thought it was going to be really hard to cut some of the things that were comforting him (like night feedings when he wasn't really hungry), but it went a lot smoother than I thought it would. Also, do you use any sort of gripe water or gas drops? Around that age we were giving a dose of it right before bedtime to prevent any middle of the night discomfort.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:02 AM on June 1, 2013
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:02 AM on June 1, 2013
I read some good advice from Dr. Karp (the author of Happiest Baby On The Block). He said to let the child fall asleep at the breast, but then as you put him down jostle him a little so he barely wakes, but then drops off again immediately. It allows the child to get the feeling of falling asleep alone in the crib. The approach was meant for younger babies, but it might work for your boy.
posted by christinetheslp at 6:22 AM on June 1, 2013
posted by christinetheslp at 6:22 AM on June 1, 2013
Am I creating a bad habit by allowing baby to nurse to sleep?
posted by kmennie at 6:24 AM on June 1, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by kmennie at 6:24 AM on June 1, 2013 [2 favorites]
My son started doing this too. Moving him to his own room made a huge difference (I did this at 7 months & wish I'd done it at 5) - both that he slept better without the distraction of his food source and that every little shift he made didn't wake me. Try it if you can.
posted by judith at 6:29 AM on June 1, 2013
posted by judith at 6:29 AM on June 1, 2013
There is nothing wrong with using the method a being who has been on this planet for less than a year prefers when falling asleep.
My daughter is 20 months old and while she will fall asleep at night on her own, about halfway through the night she comes back to bed with me to nurse to sleep again.
My son was bottle fed and he took a bottle at bed time for over two years. (we didn't let him sleep with it in his mouth, just let him have it until he was asleep.) Lest you think this is behavior solely caused by breast feeding.
There's a lot you could do, and a lot people will suggest you do, but I'm of the mind do what you need to to maximize your own sleep. For us, it meant co-sleeping and partly co-sleeping. My son is now 4, we give him his bedtime warning, then when it's time he uses the bathroom, brushes his teeth, gives us hugs and kisses, holds either my or my husband's hand, walks into his room, lays down on his bed, gets tucked in, and falls asleep in less than 10 minutes.
It would seem he didn't learn any bad sleep habits as a baby.....
posted by zizzle at 7:03 AM on June 1, 2013
My daughter is 20 months old and while she will fall asleep at night on her own, about halfway through the night she comes back to bed with me to nurse to sleep again.
My son was bottle fed and he took a bottle at bed time for over two years. (we didn't let him sleep with it in his mouth, just let him have it until he was asleep.) Lest you think this is behavior solely caused by breast feeding.
There's a lot you could do, and a lot people will suggest you do, but I'm of the mind do what you need to to maximize your own sleep. For us, it meant co-sleeping and partly co-sleeping. My son is now 4, we give him his bedtime warning, then when it's time he uses the bathroom, brushes his teeth, gives us hugs and kisses, holds either my or my husband's hand, walks into his room, lays down on his bed, gets tucked in, and falls asleep in less than 10 minutes.
It would seem he didn't learn any bad sleep habits as a baby.....
posted by zizzle at 7:03 AM on June 1, 2013
Yeah, so welcome to the joy of babyhood, right around 6 months is when their sleeping goes all to heck, no matter how good they were at it. In fact, poor sleeping usually happens every time they get close to a big cognitive milestone. What I'm saying is that the food was probably not a bad idea, and is probably only peripherally related to this. If you are unhappy breastfeeding him to sleep, then go back to your previous routine, try to reinstitute a pattern, and it should go back to normal until the next sleep screw up time appears. There are lots of books that can help. My favorite was the Sleep Lady, which I liked because she explained why your suddenly good sleeper isn't any more (though I never had that problem) and gives you a variety of techniques to get back on track after one of these sorts of sleep upsets.
Hang in there, your kiddo will re-figure out how to sleep again soon!
posted by katers890 at 7:27 AM on June 1, 2013 [3 favorites]
Hang in there, your kiddo will re-figure out how to sleep again soon!
posted by katers890 at 7:27 AM on June 1, 2013 [3 favorites]
This is absolutely, positively, without a single doubt in my mind the famed 4 month sleep regression.
I'm posting from my phone so cannot provide a decent link but please google "19 week wonder week" or "4 month sleep regression". This is a developmental stage that you did not cause!
Hang tight and continue providing the excellent care you're already providing. Good luck!
posted by waterisfinite at 8:20 AM on June 1, 2013 [6 favorites]
I'm posting from my phone so cannot provide a decent link but please google "19 week wonder week" or "4 month sleep regression". This is a developmental stage that you did not cause!
Hang tight and continue providing the excellent care you're already providing. Good luck!
posted by waterisfinite at 8:20 AM on June 1, 2013 [6 favorites]
I agree with the two posters above. Sleep regression is different for every child, but it sometimes goes in fits and starts. Absolutely approach the problem with a productive frame of mind if that helps, but you should also be ready to weather the storm. Try to be as consistent as possible; the kid's behavior is going to be variable, but if you are the constant it will really help. Or help you at least. :)
Wait until your kid starts having nightmares and develops a freaky high midnight scream. Good times!
posted by selfnoise at 8:38 AM on June 1, 2013
Wait until your kid starts having nightmares and develops a freaky high midnight scream. Good times!
posted by selfnoise at 8:38 AM on June 1, 2013
What are you doing wrong? Probably nothing.
My kid is two and the one pattern I now recognize is: things that worked beautifully all of sudden stop working. Eventually, with lots of experimenting, You find something else that works. And then it stops working again.
Keep looking for whatever solution lets you get the most sleep, and keeps the baby happy, don't worry about doing something wrong.
posted by Omnomnom at 9:36 AM on June 1, 2013 [2 favorites]
My kid is two and the one pattern I now recognize is: things that worked beautifully all of sudden stop working. Eventually, with lots of experimenting, You find something else that works. And then it stops working again.
Keep looking for whatever solution lets you get the most sleep, and keeps the baby happy, don't worry about doing something wrong.
posted by Omnomnom at 9:36 AM on June 1, 2013 [2 favorites]
And OMG "bad habits"! Bwahaha! Seriously, don't worry. Whatever bad or good habits he has now he'll unlearn at some point. And then maybe relearn. Or not. He'll change so much, have hard and easy phases and habits
Don't let the "you'll spoil him for EVAH!" people scare you, do whatever works for you now.
posted by Omnomnom at 9:40 AM on June 1, 2013 [4 favorites]
Don't let the "you'll spoil him for EVAH!" people scare you, do whatever works for you now.
posted by Omnomnom at 9:40 AM on June 1, 2013 [4 favorites]
I can summarize the Ferber book for you - essentially, he says that children form sleep associations and then those associations need to be recreated every time they fall asleep. Children, like adults, do not sleep through the entire night, we have several "arousals" in between the periods of deeper sleep. Adults often do not even remember waking up during these arousals, we know how to soothe ourselves back to sleep, and we also are not surprised when we wake up because the situation is the same as we expect it to be (dark room, in bed, quiet, etc.) Ferber's point is that if we heard a strange noise or our pillow was missing when we woke up, we would be surprised, get more awake, and want to know what was wrong before falling back asleep. We would try to restore the conditions we associated with falling asleep. Your baby was used to falling asleep on his own, but during the time while he was uncomfortable and constipated, made new sleep associations with breastfeeding. Now whenever he has an arousal during the night, he feels surprised to find that he is no longer being fed, because that was what was happening when he fell asleep. He feels more comfortable when that situation is restored and he can go back to sleep. So the bad habit, as you call it, has already been established.
Baby sleep issues are controversial, but what Ferber would say is that he now needs to be trained to soothe himself and fall asleep on his own again. (or you could wait until he grows out of it, because obviously this will not last forever, but that will most likely take a lot longer) Ferber's method of sleep training involves progressively lengthening time periods of checking in on the baby until he or she falls asleep on his own. This generally involves some crying. My personal opinion is that it is easier to sleep train using a method like this than for you and the baby to be waking up every 3 hours for some indefinite period of time. But I have a high pressure job that I can't be off my A game for.
Anyway, every baby is different, but my baby has been an every 3 hour waker for comfort nursing from the beginning, and we are working on sleep training right now. It seems to be effective for her but it takes time and patience. I know it is tough no matter what you do in this situation, so do what you think is right for you and your child. As others have said, it is not like you are "spoiling" or "messing up" your baby either way. There is no one size fits all solution.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 1:16 PM on June 1, 2013 [3 favorites]
Baby sleep issues are controversial, but what Ferber would say is that he now needs to be trained to soothe himself and fall asleep on his own again. (or you could wait until he grows out of it, because obviously this will not last forever, but that will most likely take a lot longer) Ferber's method of sleep training involves progressively lengthening time periods of checking in on the baby until he or she falls asleep on his own. This generally involves some crying. My personal opinion is that it is easier to sleep train using a method like this than for you and the baby to be waking up every 3 hours for some indefinite period of time. But I have a high pressure job that I can't be off my A game for.
Anyway, every baby is different, but my baby has been an every 3 hour waker for comfort nursing from the beginning, and we are working on sleep training right now. It seems to be effective for her but it takes time and patience. I know it is tough no matter what you do in this situation, so do what you think is right for you and your child. As others have said, it is not like you are "spoiling" or "messing up" your baby either way. There is no one size fits all solution.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 1:16 PM on June 1, 2013 [3 favorites]
Nthing treehorn + bunny. Our baby was much like hers, and when we did our version of ferberising, I think the timed intervals were more for us than her - as our inclination was to run in and settle her asap! She is a much better sleeper now.
Also: Be wary of books that claim if you only follow their methods exactly, your baby will self-settle and sleep. Those books are bullshit, man. There is no magic cure for this, and every baby really is different. We tweaked various suggestions for what worked for us - pursuing recommendations to the letter merely led to frustration, guilt and despair when they didn't work.
posted by smoke at 3:36 PM on June 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
Also: Be wary of books that claim if you only follow their methods exactly, your baby will self-settle and sleep. Those books are bullshit, man. There is no magic cure for this, and every baby really is different. We tweaked various suggestions for what worked for us - pursuing recommendations to the letter merely led to frustration, guilt and despair when they didn't work.
posted by smoke at 3:36 PM on June 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
Oh, also: Please don't ever feel guilty about doing the thing that maximises your sleep. People lay some pretty heavy guilt trips on parents that dare to either put their needs first, or even to voice that their needs are important compared to their babies. But they are. A well-rested, happy parent is a better parent. Months of sleep-deprivation can have absolutely brutal consequences - I speak from experience.
The last thing any new parent needs is more guilt; we already apply enough. Do what feels right and okay to you.
posted by smoke at 3:41 PM on June 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
The last thing any new parent needs is more guilt; we already apply enough. Do what feels right and okay to you.
posted by smoke at 3:41 PM on June 1, 2013 [1 favorite]
I could just be rationalizing but I simply don't see any biological reason why babies should be respectful of their parents' 9-to-5 work schedules, or why important adult traits like independence would be rooted in "habits" established during infancy. Just try things out and try to find something that works, I don't think there's a magic formula that you have to follow by the book.
posted by leopard at 6:20 PM on June 1, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by leopard at 6:20 PM on June 1, 2013 [2 favorites]
I wish I could tell you sleep issues stop occurring - they don't - you will get them in various forms for years. I'm dealing with them with my 6 1/2 year old.
posted by hockeyfan at 7:57 PM on June 1, 2013
posted by hockeyfan at 7:57 PM on June 1, 2013
Your baby is not too young to be teething. My oldest got his first tooth the day he turned three months old, and my other two got theirs at around 5 months. With the first one people told me I was nuts when I ventured that I thought the change in his behavior was possibly due to teething, they said he couldn't possibly get teeth that young, they were wrong.
posted by mareli at 12:20 PM on June 2, 2013
posted by mareli at 12:20 PM on June 2, 2013
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posted by BenPens at 5:35 AM on June 1, 2013